FRAGILE: HANDLE WITH CARE
… based on Philippians 1:27-2:4
A young man’s fiancé had broken off their engagement,
but a couple of months later he received the following letter from her.
Dearest Jimmy,
No words could ever express the great unhappiness I’ve felt since breaking our engagement. Please say you’ll take me back. No one could ever take your place in my heart, so please forgive me. I love you! I love you! I love you!
Yours forever, Margie
P.S. congratulations on winning the lottery
We’re going to talk about relationships this morning.
And as we’re thinking about them, we need to keep Jesus’ words in mind … “And now I give you a new commandment: love one another.
(& say the rest with me) As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
If you have love for one another,
then everyone will know that you are my disciples.” (John 13:34-35)
Now the key word in that command is “must.” This is not an option.
We must love one another. Keep that in mind as we consider today’s topic about relationships … “Fragile: Handle With Care.”
Listen now to Good News from Paul, to the Church in Philippi,
& to Bear Creek Church. Within our hearing comes the Word of the Lord …
Now, the important thing is that your way of life should be as the gospel of Christ requires, so that, whether or not I am able to go and see you, I will hear that you are standing firm with one common purpose and that with only one desire you are fighting together for the faith of the gospel. Don’t be afraid of your enemies; always be courageous, and this will prove to them that they will lose and that you will win, because it is God who gives you the victory. For you have been given the privilege of serving Christ, not only by believing in him, but also by suffering for him. …
Your life in Christ makes you strong, and his love comforts you. You have fellowship with the Spirit, and you have kindness and compassion for one another. I urge you, then, to make me completely happy by having the same thoughts, sharing the same love, and being one in soul and mind.
Don’t do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast, but be humble toward one another, always considering others better than yourselves. And look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own.
(Philippians 1:27-29; 2:1-4)
“May my words & my thoughts be acceptable to you,
O LORD, my refuge & my redeemer!” (The Psalms 19:14)
May the Lord grant that we may engage in contemplating the mysteries of His Heavenly wisdom with really increasing devotion, to His glory and to our edification. Amen
God has created us to have relationships. (Genesis 2:18)
We can have a relationship with Him, (Philippians 1:21) & we have relationships with other people. (1 John 1:7) However, since the fall of Adam & Eve … sustaining relationships has been a struggle between human being & human being, (Romans 1:28-32) & between human beings & God. (1 John 1:6)
One of the biggest causes for unhappiness in our life is when our relationships become broken. Conflict kills happiness.
It’s a daily struggle to live in a world where there’s no contention.
Whether it’s nation against nation, or family member against family member, living conflict-free with others is a constant struggle.
To have a successful business, employees must get along & work together. To have a successful football team, the Colts must play as a team,
(but I hope not quite as well as the Steelers today). To have a successful government Republicans & Democrats must cooperate across the aisle.
To have a successful Church we must all work together.
No one can do it alone. (1 Corinthians 12:14)
When there is unity there’s tremendous power, & the potential is unlimited. The problem is … people don’t always get along. Have you noticed that? …
Relationships are fragile; & need to be handled with care. History proves that repeatedly. And Scripture provides some classic illustrations.
For example, we have Cain & Abel.
Here one brother kills the other rather than face the fact that he was wrong. (Genesis 4:8) One man destroys another because of jealously & envy.
Cain is a picture of what all of us are by nature.” (Titus 3:3)
Jacob & Esau weren’t any better;
always trying to get something from the other one. They were continuously using one another for their own selfish desires. (Genesis 25:29; 27:35)
But there’s a conflict in the N.T. that most of us aren’t familiar with.
It’s between 2 women: Euodia & Syntyche of Philippi. (Philippians 4:2)
How many of you have heard of them? …
We don’t know a lot about them, but some things are obvious.
They had been good friends. They had worked together in establishing the Philippian Church. They had shared in the ministry of the Apostle Paul.
But now they were at “war” with each other.
Paul knew that a conflict not settled is a conflict that will spread.
Sooner or later others will be drawn in. Sides will develop.
And what started out with just 2 people will divide a whole Church. Remember this … a quarreling Church is no Church at all,
for it’s one from which Christ has been shut out.
And Paul’s concerned about that. He doesn’t want the “cancer” of their conflict to spread. His practical answer is to bring the issue out into the open, & get the people in the Church is respond “Christianly.” (Colossians 3:13)
He doesn’t want this thing to go on another day.
Just as a sidelight; it’s a grim thought that all we know about Euodia
& Syntyche is that they were 2 women in a Church who were quarreling! It makes me reflect … how will I be remembered? Suppose our life was to be summed up in a single sentence … what would that sentence be? …
Euodia & Syntyche are simply remembered as disrupters of peace.
Suppose we were to go down in history with 1 thing known about us …
what would that one thing be? …
Now Paul doesn’t want this issue to continue. It’s destructive.
Nothing good can come from it. And as a Pastor,
I’ve learned that Paul was right. We know that marital conflict that isn’t dealt with will lead to a breakup. An argument can end a friendship.
A disagreement between 2 factions will divide a Church.
That’s what conflict does. It spreads & it splits.
Understanding that, Paul spends a good portion of his Philippian letter dealing with relationships. And he basically says 3 things:
Relationships are a #1 priority
Relationships are very delicate
Relationships will be rewarded
As followers of Jesus,
we cannot waste time & energy fighting with one another. Paul writes …
“The important thing is that your way of life
should be as the gospel of Christ requires.”
As I was studying this passage, I discovered that the word “requires” (ἀξίως) that’s used here was a term usually found in the marketplace.
The merchants would weigh things on a scale. On one tray were the weights,
& on the other the item being purchased. When they balanced, both the merchant & the buyer were receiving a fair price.
The item bought was “required” to equal the weights on the other side.
Paul wants us to understand that as followers of Jesus,
we’re to live so that our lifestyle balances with the Gospel. Our lives are “required” to meet a certain standard. How we relate to others is important.
Okay, so what is the Gospel? (1 Corinthians 15:1-8) …
It’s the Good News about Jesus. (John 3:16) It’s the knowledge that we are loved by God, & that He has begun to do a good work in us. (Philippians 3:3-6) And as a result, we must live out the love that we have experienced. (Mark 12:29-31)
This is exactly what John writes in his letter.
“Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God & knows God.” (1 John 4:7)
It’s sad, but using this example of the scales, we recognize that many people in the Church today are “lightweights.” Paul wants to correct that,
& the way he does it is through our relationships.
“I will hear that you are standing firm … & that … you are fighting together.” (Listen to this Euodia & Syntyche.) We’re not battling each other,
but we’re fighting together our common enemy, the Devil. (1 Peter 5:8)
Paul wasn’t primarily concerned about Church growth or Church programming or even Church doctrine. The 2 things that he’s stressing here are … “fighting together for the faith,” & not being “afraid of our enemies.”
Let’s look at the 1st one. How should they (we) fight together? …
He says, “with one common purpose & … with only one desire.”
Paul realizes that the spiritual growth of each believer depends upon his or her relationship with the whole congregation. Fighting together our faith will grow. We need each other. We can’t become all that God intends for us to be alone! We’re not separate islands. Paul writes …
“All of you are Christ’s body, & each one is a part of it. … And so there is no division in the body, but all its different parts have the same concern for one another. If one part of the body suffers, all the other parts suffer with it; if one part is praised, all the other parts share its happiness.”
(1 Corinthians 12:25-27)
It’s essential that we’re united. Jesus said,
“If a country divides itself into groups which fight each other, that country will fall apart. If a family divides itself into groups which fight each other, that family will fall apart.” (Mark 3:24-25)
Plus, when we fight together, we aren’t afraid of the world out there, because we have brothers & sisters in the faith right beside us.
Paul says that when the life of a believer is “balancing” the specifications of the Gospel there’s a power that cannot be denied … only envied. It’s so intense, so beautiful, that everyone outside is jealous because they’re not sharing in it. (The Acts 2:6)
This is a tremendous thought. Think of it. Our marriages, our family,
our Church, our Christian friendships are the greatest & most significant testimony we have. (Mark 5:19) And others should witness that. It should be evident. My word, having God involved in our relationships has to make an impact on how we live … right?
Those differences center on the ministry of Jesus Christ & The Holy Spirit.
Please hear this, Jesus is not way out there somewhere but is actively involved in our lives. Paul writes …
“Your life in Christ makes you strong, & his love comforts you.
You have fellowship with the Spirit,
& you have kindness & compassion for one another.”
There ought to be an incredible fellowship among us. We’re to show love toward one another. (1 John 3:11) We’re to display kindness & compassion.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-6)
Allow me to probe here a little bit. Has Jesus Christ in your life meant anything to you? … Have you responded to others on the basis of the way He loves you? … Do you see any evidence of The Holy Spirit in your life?” …
Are you producing spiritual fruit, such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, & self-control? (Galatians 5:22-23)
Relationships are fragile; they must be kept under special conditions,
like good cheese or homemade ice cream. Ignore those conditions & our relationships will “mold” or “melt” …
which is what was happening to Euodia & Syntyche.
Rule #1 … be of the same mind.
Please understand this: followers of Jesus do not have to agree on everything. We certainly can have differences of opinions.
What matters is that we have the same objectives & targets. (Philippians 3:14)
We’re all different. (1 Corinthians 12:18) It would be absurd to suggest that happily married husbands & wives should never differ; that parents & children would always think the same; that every one of us here agrees on everything. That being said, however, we must have the same mind in that we pursue the same criteria for coming to a solution.
It may be a competitive world out there, but here in the Church …
we’re on the same team, we’re in the same family, this is our safe haven.
We leave our personal ambitions at the door & strive for unity.
Rule #2 … have the same love.
Have the same kind of love that Christ had for us.
Love others as Christ loved us. That’s what Jesus was talking about.
“As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
Simple words … but who can carry this out?
The world has always agreed that love is what we need to solve our problems. All the ugliness, the crime, the abuse, the violence, the broken relationships,
the drug & pornography trafficking … all this crap would vanish if we truly learned & practiced what Jesus meant when He said … “you must love one another.”
So, how do we do it? How do we truly love one another?”
The love that Jesus is talking about, the love which Scripture identifies as agape (ἀγάπη) or unconditional love … is a love that is rooted in the will, not in our emotions. Now the very fact that Jesus has to command us “to love one another” … means that this kind of love must be practiced under the most adverse of circumstances.
We don’t need to be commanded to love people who are attractive or generous or fun or kind or helpful. (Matthew 5:44-45) The people Jesus commands us to love are those who are unlovely, stingy, nasty, dull, selfish, or downright mean. He’s talking about the people that we have a hard time liking & getting along with.
They’re the individuals whose personalities clash with ours.
So, how are we supposed to stir up warm, fuzzy feelings toward such people? Jesus’ answer … we don’t have to. In fact, in most cases,
we probably will never be able to. Feelings aren’t the issue.
The issue is obedience to a commandment. “You must love one another.”
Seek the good of other people, even people we don’t like.
Be helpful to other people, even if they’re nasty in return.
Be patient with other people & serve them, even if they never thank you.
Agape love is a choice, not a feeling.
The commandment that Jesus gave is a prescription for empowering His followers to change the world. And our Christlike love will be the means by which the world will be reached for Jesus.
“If you have love for one another,
then everyone will know that you are my disciples.”
The evangelist, Henry Drummond, used a magnet & a piece of steel to illustrate Jesus’ command that we love one another as He loved us. He said that if we take a piece of steel & attach it to a magnet, in time the magnetic properties of the magnet will be acquired by the piece of steel …
& it, too, will be a magnet.
In the same way, if we dwell on His love for us … a love beyond our deserving, a love extended to us even while we were rebellious, a love given in spite of the ugliness of our sin (Romans 5:8) … then we will gradually acquire that kind of love. The magnetic love of Jesus will become our nature,
just as it is His nature, & people will be attracted to Him because of it.
Rule #3 … be in full agreement.
Don’t take conflict lightly. Conflict can be a spectator thing for just so long & then it becomes destructive. Don’t fool with it.
Paul says that these “rules” are “keepable” as long as we
“don’t do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast.”
I love the way the Message Bible translates this verse.
“Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top.
Put yourself aside, & help others get ahead.”
All too often we compete with people who are supposed to be on our team. What are the ambitions of your life? How are they driving you.
Are your objectives causing conflict?
Listen to what James writes about this.
“Where do all the fights & quarrels among you come from?
They come from your desires (ambitions) for pleasure,
which are constantly fighting with you.” (James 4:1)
We must examine our motives. Why do we do certain things?
Is it because of what’s in it for me?
Paul goes on, “Always consider others better than yourself.”
Listen to that again. This is a tough one. “Always consider others better than yourself.” Scripture doesn’t say that others are better …
we’re all on level ground in terms of our worth to God.
Paul commands us not to put people down … lift them up. How?
By treating them better than we would treat ourselves.
This is a radical concept. Treat others better than ourselves … that’s what Scripture commands. (Matthew 7:12) And that’s the exact opposite of how our culture operates. The world is full of people who think they’re better than everybody else. We’ve elevated selfishness to an art form …
a quality characteristic. It’s all about me.
Paul is teaching that when it comes to dealing with others, begin by assuming that they are more important. (Luke 14:8) To be honest, that’s hard,
& it’s only possible for those who have discovered their self-worth in Christ.
Humility is not thinking less of ourself … but thinking of our self less.
Our focus isn’t on us … it’s on others.
We are people centered … rather than self-centered.
Paul writes, “look out for one another’s interests.”
The word translated “look” (σκοποῦντες) is actually where we get our word “scope” … like a microscope or a telescope. Both help us see things better. We’re to “scope out,” pay attention to other people’s needs.
Listen again to the Message Bible translation.
“Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage.
Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.”
Want a model for this? … Use Jesus. In Heaven He had everything … power, position, recognition. (Philippians 2:7) And He gave it all up in obedience to God, who wants us to be willing to do that too. (Matthew 16:24)
It’s impossible to live a lifestyle of unselfishness on our own.
It’s human nature to be selfish … to only look out for #1. But Jesus wants us to live differently. He wants us to develop a Christlike character.
These are the fragile conditions in which relationships grow.
They work only when we’ve been touched by Christ’s love.
Paul tells us, “keep on working with fear & trembling to complete your salvation.” (Philippians 2:12) This is an ongoing process. It’s a daily activity.
Last month, in “The Upper Room” devotional, was this story …
When Mark & Sheila moved into their new home, Sheila wondered about the neighbors. Would they accept their children? What about the dog? She soon found out. Shortly after moving in, their kids were playing in the backyard & their football sailed over the fence into the yard of the elderly man who lived next door. When their son jumped the fence to get it,
the man chased him out, swore at him, & told him that it better not happen again. A few days later her dog was barking & Sheila went out to quiet him. The man was waiting for her. He told her that if she didn’t keep the dog quiet he would call the police. Then he cursed again. Sheila’s dander rose. Her cheeks turned red. Hot & angry words came to her mind … but she didn’t express them. Instead, she prayed & began to think of ways to reach out to this man. Later that day, while she was baking blueberry muffins, she made an extra batch. Then, calling on God for courage, took a large plate of them to the man next door. “I made these for you,” she told him. He didn’t say much, but accepted the muffins. And in the weeks that followed,
Sheila continued to show kindness to him. Gradually his attitude softened,
& the day came, when he came to faith in Jesus.
The relationships we have in this world are extremely fragile.
And we can’t escape them. We’re not hermits living on an island.
We are involved with multiple people every single day. And not just those we come face-to-face with. But on the telephone, on the computer, etc.
But if we put ourselves aside,
people will be able to see Jesus in us … which should be our goal. (John 3:30)
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.
MARANA THA
