David Series - 4
DAVID & JONATHAN
… based on 1 Samuel 18:1,3-4
A great hunter was traipsing through a dense jungle in Africa, & he came across this enormous rhinoceros. Fortunately, it was dead & was lying off to the side in the tall jungle grass. But as he looked closer the hunter was startled to see on the other side of this massive animal a very small pigmy tribesman. He looked at him & asked, “Did you kill this rhino?” And the pigmy’s chest swelled with pride & said, “Yes, with my club.” The hunter shook his head & asked, “How big is your club?” And the pigmy replied,
“There are 78 of us.” … (You’ll get that in a moment.)
I hope if you go out rhino hunting that you’re part of a big club.
I hope you’ve got some friends.
And that’s what we’re going to talk about today, friendship.
This is the 4th week in an 8-part series on David.
We’ve talked about David & his mentor … David & his giant … & last week, David & his boss. Now today it’s David & his best friend.
And I’m going to give you 4 ingredients for a great friendship.
So, let’s begin with a question … do you have some good friends?
I’m not talking about “Liar’s Bench” buddies or shopping accomplices.
I’m not talking about people you play golf with or fish with or do crafts with.
I’m talking about true friends.
The writer of The Proverbs makes a very poignant observation about friendship.
“Some friends only pretend to be friends, but a true friend is more loyal than your own family.” (The Proverbs 18;24) (Say that out loud with me.)
Note the distinction the writer is making. There are casual friends,
there are the many acquaintances we have … & then there are those who are “more loyal than our family” friends. So, my question to you this morning is …
do you have “loyal” friends? This is critically important.
Your health; your wellbeing depends on it.
In a recent issue of one of my news magazines there was an article on personal health. It dealt with diets, exercise, stress release, medical intervention, Dr. care, & so on. And one of the paragraphs focused on the importance of not being lonely. It pointed out that a good friendship is a balm for our heart, our stress level, & our immune system.
We can have 5,280 “friends” on Facebook & still be lonely.
So, do you have good friends? Well, how do we define “friend”?
I have my own definition, but my favorite is one I heard years ago.
“A friend is someone who will help you bury a body at 2:00 a.m. …
& not ask questions.” (The longer you think about that the better it gets.)
But I’m a theologian so let me give you a Scriptural definition;
a definition that’s built on the relationship David had with Jonathan.
Now interestingly, in this relationship it’s Jonathan who takes the initiative.
It’s Jonathan who seeks out friendship with David. It’s Jonathan who becomes an example for us on what it means to become a good friend.
In fact, by the time we’re done this morning, I suspect you’ll be thinking …
“I wish I had a friend like Jonathan.”
But that’s not the point that I want to make. My objective is not how to get a good friend; the goal of this message is how to be a good friend. The truth is … if we will focus on being a good friend, we’ll have no trouble in getting good friends. So, what are the ingredients that go into good sound friendships? #1 … commitment.
Listen to how this relationship between David & Jonathan began …
“Saul’s son Jonathan was deeply attracted to David and came to love him as much as he loved himself. … Jonathan swore eternal friendship with David because of his deep affection for him. He took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, together with his armor and also his sword, bow, and belt.” (1 Samuel 18:1,3-4)
I want you to circle “swore eternal friendship” in your outline.
Jonathan officially committed himself to his friendship with David.
And that’s where friendship begins … with commitment.
When I was a boy, my best friend was Tim. Tim & I did everything together. We played ball together. We hiked through the woods together.
We set fire to a field together. And one day we decided to “formalize” our friendship. So, Tim took out his pocketknife & he made a cut in his thumb,
& he handed his pocketknife to me, & I made a cut in my thumb, & we put our bloody thumbs together, & we officially became what? … (blood brothers)
(Kathy is thinking, “did you wash your hands 1st?
Did you sterilize the knife?”)
Tim & I made a commitment to each other. That’s where friendship begins.
It’s taking the initiative. It’s no sitting at home thinking, “Well, no one ever calls me. Nobody ever has a party for me.” We pick up the phone.
We throw a party for someone else.
This is what Jonathan was doing with David. He was pursuing a relationship.
Now let me quickly note here that this was not a homosexual relationship,
which some might conclude because of the phrase … “Jonathan was deeply attracted to David.” The Hebrew words, (בְּנֶ֣פֶשׁ קְשְׁרָ֖ה), are not sexual terms.
A literal translation would be that they were “knitted to the soul.”
Remember Jesus’ words? “The 2nd most important commandment is …
‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’” (Matthew 22:39)
That’s what Jonathan was doing.
Let me also mention that David was definitely a heterosexual, as unfortunately we will see in a couple of future chapters when we read about his affair with Bathsheba, which we’ll talk about next Sunday.
So, David & Jonathan were manly men who had a committed,
close relationship. Their friendship was knitted to the soul.
Let’s take a little break here. Ladies, you can just sit back & relax & let me speak to just the guys. I got this in my e-mail several months ago,
it’s a manliness quiz. I took it & passed … so, let me give it to you right now. Let’s see how manly you guys are …
#1 … Aliens from a highly advanced society visit the earth & you’re the 1st human they encounter. As a token of inter-galactic friendship, they present you with a small, but incredibly sophisticated device that’s capable of supplying an infinite supply of clean energy. You decide to …
(a) present it to the President of the U.S.; (b) present it to the Secretary General of the U.N.; or (c) take it apart
#2 … As you grow older what quality of your youth do you miss the most? …
(a) innocence; (b) idealism; or (c) cherry bombs
#3 … In your opinion the ideal pet is …
(a) a cat; (b) a dog; or (c) a dog that eats cats
#4 … You have been seeing a woman for several years. She’s intelligent, attractive, & you enjoy being with her. One Sunday afternoon as you’re watching the football game together, she asks you about the future of your relationship. What do you say? …
(a) you truly believe that the 2 of you have a future, but you don’t want to rush things; (b) you value friendship, but you don’t see it leading to marriage; or (c) you can’t believe the Colts called a draw play on 3rd & 17
#5 … You truly love your wife; how do you tell her? …
(a) you take her to a nice restaurant & tell her during dinner; (b) you go for a walk on a moonlit beach, & with the sea breeze blowing through her hair you tell her; or (c) tell her what?
#6 … One morning your wife wakes up feeling ill & she asks you to get the 3 children ready for school. Your 1st question is …
a. do they need to eat something?; (b) they’re in school already?;
or (c) there are 3 of them?
Okay, the last 2 have more to do with this David & Jonathan thing …
what’s the nature of it?
#7 … When is it okay to hug another man? …
(a) when he’s your father & at least one of you has a fatal disease; (b) when you’re performing the Heimlich Maneuver; or (c) when you’re a professional baseball player & your teammate has just hit a homerun to win the World Series
#8 … When is it okay to kiss another man? …
(a) when you wish to display simple & pure affection without regard to narrow-minded social conventions; (b) when he’s the Pope; or (c) when he’s your brother & you are Al Pacino & this is the only sportsmanlike way to let him know that for business reasons you have to have him killed
So, how did you do? Well, what’s the point of this manliness quiz,
besides that it’s summer & I wanted to make this message a little lighter?
The point is to expose some of the foolish notions that we have about what constitutes manliness. And one of those is that real men can’t have committed intimate close relationships. Says who?
David & Jonathan were manly men & enjoyed a committed friendship.
So, let me ask you the question, & this is for everyone:
who are you pursuing a committed friendship with?
A commitment must be made for a friendship to happen.
#2 … loyalty.
Even though Jonathan had this growing friendship with David,
Jonathan’s Dad, King Saul, hated David. It was because, as we saw last week, Saul was extremely jealous. Saul was the King of Israel,
but he was far from the most popular man in the country.
Everybody loved David … & that just drove Saul nuts.
Scripture reports that all the military leaders loved David.
“David was successful in all the missions on which Saul sent him, & so Saul made him an officer in his army. This pleased all of Saul’s officers & men.”
(1 Samuel 18:5) We read in Scripture that the general population loved David.
“Everyone in Israel & Judah loved David because he was such a successful leader.”(1 Samuel 18:16) Even Saul’s daughter, Michal, had fallen in love with him.
(1 Samuel 18:20) Everybody in Israel was wearing an “I Love David” t-shirt.
And it drove Saul crazy.
“Saul told his son Jonathan & all his officials that he planned to kill David. But Jonathan was very fond of David, & so he told him, ‘My father is trying to kill you. Please be careful tomorrow morning; hide in some secret place & stay there. I will go & stand by my father in the field where you are hiding,
& I will speak to him about you. If I find out anything, I will let you know.’
“Jonathan praised David to Saul & said, ‘Sir, don’t do wrong to your servant David. He has never done you any wrong; on the contrary, everything he has done has been a great help to you. He risked his life when he killed Goliath, & the LORD won a great victory for Israel. When you saw it, you were glad. Why, then, do you now want to do wrong to an innocent man & kill David for no reason at all?’
“Saul was convinced by what Jonathan said & made a vow in the LORD’S name that he would not kill David. So Jonathan called David & told him everything;
then he took him to Saul, & David served the king as he had before.”
(1 Samuel 19:1-7)
Talk about a loyal friend. The 1st thing he does is warn David.
“Go hide, my Dad wants to kill you.” Then he goes & pleads with his father on David’s behalf, saying all sorts of nice things about him, begging his father to have a change of heart. And when Saul does change his mind Jonathan finds David, brings him back to the palace & says, “Okay guys, shake hands.”
Jonathan is a loyal friend.
Loyalty is a key ingredient in friendship. And loyalty begins with what comes out of our mouth. In fact, there’s an expression in these verses that I want you to circle. Jonathan “praised” David. Circle that.
How do we speak of others? Do we speak well of them?
Are we known as someone whose words are encouraging?
Whose words build up? Or are we known as someone who uses sarcasm? Cutting remarks? Witty put-downs? Do we have a critical tongue? If that’s what we’re known for we won’t convince others of our loyalty to them.
Now loyalty, which is key to friendship, not only deals with what we say to others, but the flipside is also true …
how do we speak about others to other people?
What do we say about other people when they’re not around to hear us?
I was sitting in an optometrist office a # of years ago & one of the staff was just destroying another person in the office with her remarks,
& rolling her eyes & making faces.
What do we say about someone else when they’re not around? … Do we criticize them, ridicule them, make fun of them, or do we defend them?
Loyalty is tested by what comes out of our mouths.
What do we say to people? What do we say about people? We want to develop the habit of speaking well of others like Jonathan did of David.
#3 … other centeredness.
So, everything was okay for awhile between David & Saul.
David was back in the palace, thanks to Jonathan’s intervention. He was eating at the King’s table again, but it was only a matter of time before jealously started getting the best of Saul. And David began fearing for his life. So, he took Jonathan aside & shared his concern. But Jonathan said,
“No, I think you’re just misreading that. You’re imagining things.”
So, David suggested, “Let’s have a test to check your Dad’s true disposition. Here’s what we’ll do … I’ll not show up for dinner the next couple of days,
& when your Dad notices my empty place at the table, tell him that I went home to be with my family in Bethlehem.
If your Dad says, ‘that’s okay,’ then I’ll know there’s no problem.
But if your Dad gets really upset, then maybe I’m not just imagining things.”
So, that’s what they did. David doesn’t show up for dinner,
& Saul questions where he is. Jonathan tells him that he’s done home to be with his family for a couple of days. Guess how Saul responds?
“Saul became furious with Jonathan & said to him … ‘Don’t you realize
that as long as David is alive, you will never be king of this country?
Now go & bring him here – he must die!’
“‘Why should he die?’ Jonathan replied. ‘What has he done?’
“At that, Saul threw his spear at Jonathan to kill him, & Jonathan realized that his father was really determined to kill David.” (1 Samuel 20:30-33)
(Actually, the original Hebrew is pretty graphic.)
Last week we read about 2 occasions where Saul hurled a spear at David.
(1 Samuel 18:11) Now he’s throwing it at his own son!
Saul says some really nasty things to Jonathan, the crux being,
“You’re no son of mine, you traitor! … You should be ashamed of yourself! And your own mother should be ashamed that you were ever born.”
But do you know what? That wasn’t a big issue for Jonathan,
because he knew in his heart that David was the best man for the job.
He believed that David was God’s man. Jonathan was more interested in David’s best than his own best. That makes for great friendship.
Self-centeredness kills friendship.
Other-centeredness makes friendship soar.
“Don’t do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast, but be humble toward one another, always considering others better than yourselves. And look out for one another’s interests, not just your own.”
(Philippians 2:3-4)
That’s exactly what Jonathan was doing with David …
looking out for David’s best interests. (1 Samuel 20:17)
Now at the risk of offending cat lovers, (of which I am one),
let me offer a visual aid to help make the point. What I’m suggesting is that we need to be more like dogs & less like cats in friendship.
We need to be other-centered (like dogs) & less self-centered (like cats).
And you know that’s true. Dogs come when you call them.
Cats take a message & will get back to you. Dogs bring your slippers.
Cats drop a dead mouse in your slippers. Dogs will play frisbee all afternoon. Cats will take a 3-hour nap. Dogs will sit, lie down, or kneel on command.
Cats will smirk & walk away. Dogs will tilt their heads & listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn & close their eyes. Dogs give you unconditional love.
Cats make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made.
Dogs try to comfort you when you’re sad. Cats don’t care how you feel,
as long as you remember where the can opener is.
So, the question is, with that picture in your mind, are you more “dog-like”
or “cat-like” in your relationships? Are you other-centered or are you
self-centered? Do you have an eagerness to serve others?
I want to warn you about a Facebook definition of friendship that is becoming popular in our culture today.
It defines friendship by how much information is exchanged.
People say, “I’ve got 100’s of ‘friends’ on Facebook.”
No, they don’t. They have 100’s of pen pals. And I’m not knocking Facebook
… but we need to be careful not to define friendship that way, but rather the way Scripture describes it … because we have this tendency to be spread a mile wide & a ½” deep when it comes to friendship.
Friendship is not sitting in front of a computer exchanging information …
friendship is spending time with somebody & doing for them & serving them like Jonanthan did for David. (i.e. Cindy with Maryann)
Once Jonathan knew that David was God’s man to be the next King of Israel, Jonathan did everything in his power to make it happen.
#4 … fellowship.
I want to take you to the very last interaction between David & Jonathan on this earth. David is totally on the run. Saul is making one attempt after another to take his life. Every time Saul finds out where David is hiding, he sends a group of soldiers to get him & kill him.
And David is able to stay just one step ahead of him.
At this point in the story David is in Horesh & Jonathan goes to meet him.
“Jonathan went to him there &
encouraged him with assurances of God’s protection.” (1 Samuel 24:16)
That’s such an incredibly rich phrase. Put a circle around that …
“encouraged him with assurances of God’s protection.”
“‘Don’t be afraid. My father Saul won’t be able to harm you.
He knows very well that you are the one who will be the king of Israel & that I will be next in rank to you.’ The 2 of them made a sacred promise of friendship to each other.” (1 Samuel 24:17-18)
That’s Jonathan’s major contribution to David’s life,
he “encouraged him with assurances of God’s protection.”
Write this down … There is no stronger component to a friendship than a shared relationship with God.
I have friends who are both followers of Jesus,
& who are not followers of Jesus.
And I’ll tell you what, there’s nothing like having a relationship with someone who shares a relationship with Christ.
There is a depth, a level of commitment when we share Christ with someone.
Want a good friendship? … Then bring God into it.
If your friend has not come to faith in Jesus give him/her a Bible as a gift.
Give him/her a Christian book as a gift. Invite him/her to come with you to a worship service here. Offer to pray when a concern comes up. “I like to pray about stuff. Is it alright if I pray for you right now about what we’ve just been talking about?”
You will be blessed with that added dimension to your relationship.
And if your friends are already believers, do you best to
“encourage them with assurances of God’s protection,” when you’re together.
So, what have we learned today,
what are the ingredients that go into good sound friendships? …
#1 … commitment, reach out to others
#2 … loyalty, what we say to & about others
#3 … other centered, look out for the best interests of others
#4 … fellowship, bring God into the relationship & encourage them in things of faith
So, let me ask again, do you have some good friends?
MARANA THA
