David & Absalom {David Series #7}

 

David Series - 7

DAVID & ABSALOM

… based on 2 Samuel 14:25-27

My Mom loved it when someone would ask her if she worked …

or if she was “just” a housewife.  She would very clearly tell that person that “parenting was work.  And to do the job well required time & effort.”  (And I’ll let you decide if she spent enough time & effort.)  Now I am an only child, but I also recognize   as additional children are added to the home it becomes easy to maybe slack off a little. 

Perhaps you’ve seen the description of how parents respond differently 

to their 1st child vs. their 2nd child vs. their 3rd child.

1st child … when you discover you’re pregnant you take a Lamaze course & practice breathing exercises.  2nd child … you don’t bother with Lamaze because breathing didn’t do a dang thing last time.  

3rd child … you ask for an epidural in your 6th month.

1st child … you pick up the baby at the slightest whimper.  

2nd child … you pick up the baby only when the wails threaten to wake up the older sibling from a nap.  3rd child … 

you teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the baby’s mechanical swing.

1st child … you leave him/her with a sitter & then call home 4 or 5 times.  

2nd child … just before you leave you remember to give the sitter your cellphone #.  3rd child … you tell the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

1st child … you spend a good deal of every day just gazing at the baby.  

2nd child … you spend a good deal of every day making sure your older child isn’t poking, squeezing, or hitting the baby.

3rd child … you spend a good deal of every day hiding from your kids.

1st child … when he/she swallows a coin you rush the child to the hospital & demand x-rays.  2nd child … you carefully watch for the coin to pass.  3rd child … you deduct it from their allowance.

Well, seriously, good parenting is hard work.  We’re in the 7th week of an 8-part series on the life of David.  Now sometimes David is a good role model for us.  Other times David is a bad role model.  He teaches us what sorts of behavior to copy or avoid in relationships.  And this morning we’re looking at one of David’s failures … his son, Absalom.

Listen now to Good News, as recorded in 2nd Samuel, to us who have gathered here for worship.  Within our hearing comes the Word of the Lord,

There was no one in Israel as famous for his good looks as Absalom; he had no defect from head to toe.  His hair was very thick, and he had to cut it once a year, when it grew too long and heavy.  It would weigh about five pounds according to the royal standard of weights.  Absalom had three sons & one daughter named Tamar, a very beautiful woman.( 2 Samuel 14:25-27) 

“The grass withers & flowers fade, 

but the word of our God endures forever.” (Isaiah 40:8)

May the Lord grant that we may engage in contemplating the mysteries of His Heavenly wisdom with really increasing devotion, to His glory and to our edification.  Amen 

Okay, to learn of David’s inner life we go to The Psalms.  

To learn of David’s exterior life we go to 1st & 2nd Samuel.

There we pass through the front door, & right into the middle of his family life.  We have in this section one of the hardest periods in David’s life.  He had to face himself as a failure as a father.  The father/son relationship between David & Absalom develops in stages, & I’d like to look at it that way.

1st of all, remember that David was an adulterer. (2 Samuel 11:4) But I want you to know that when God forgives, He also restores.  He holds no grudges. (Romans 4:7-8) God will never collect twice for any sin.  When we bring our sins to Jesus, the Scriptures record, that He forgives & forgets them.

“God will trample our sins underfoot & send them to the bottom of the sea!” 

(Micah 7:19)

He’ll never recall them again.  Praise God!  David’s sin with Bathsheba was put away.  Nathan said to him, “the LORD forgives you.” (2 Samuel 12:13) 

And so, it is with us, when we bring our sins to Jesus.

But David’s fall with Bathsheba came out of a deeper weakness in his own make-up.  David was self-indulgent.  And he not only spoiled himself; 

he spoiled his kids.  He was a permissive father.  

And it really caught up with him.

We see this pattern with one of David’s other children.  

There are 3 sentences in 1st Kings that provide a little summary of it. 

It refers to Adonijah.

“Now that Absalom was dead, Adonijah, the son of David & Haggith, 

was the oldest surviving son.  He was a very handsome man.  

David never reprimanded him about anything.” (1 Kings 1:5-6)

David never had a nose-to-nose confrontation with this boy.

And there we find the pattern for David’s weakness.

David’s son, Solomon, who was given great wisdom, (1 Kings 3:12) wrote, 

“If you don’t punish your son, you don’t love him.  

If you do love him, you will correct him.” (The Proverbs 13:24)

I remember talking with a father who was telling me how a crisis came into his home, with his son.  The boy was out of line, & he had to act.  

He said, “I just bent him over & let him have it.”  

Then he asked his son, “do you know why I did that?”

“Yes, Dad, because you love me.”

“You better believe I love you.  God gave you to me.  You are very precious 

to me, & I want you to become all God intends.  I love you that much!”

Then they prayed together & with big tears in their eyes 

they hugged each other.  That’s God’s way.

We have in David a great leader, a wonderful man, but a very weak father.

We meet Absalom for the 1st time as a young man in the home.  

Briefly, here’s the story.

“Absalom had a beautiful unmarried sister named Tamar.  

Amnon, another of David’s sons, fell in love with her.” (2 Samuel 13:1)

So, we have Amnon, who is David’s oldest son, & he falls in love with his ½ sister Tamar.  (I know, we can’t keep track of the players without a scorecard.  David has 10 wives, about a dozen concubines, & 20 kids.  I’m sure even he’s confused at times!)  Tamar & her brother Absalom were born to David’s wife, Maacah.  Amnon was born to David’s wife, Ahinoam.

It would probably be more accurate to say that Amnon “fell into lust with Tamar.”  Amnon was horny.  (I looked in my concordance to try to find another word to use in my sermon, but that’s just the best word.)  Amon was horny, & she was beautiful.  She was   his ½ sister, but he didn’t care … 

he wanted her.  She refuses his advances, so he rapes her.

Now this happened shortly after David had his episode with Bathsheba.  

In his case he repented & cried out to God … “I have sinned against you – only against you – & done what you consider evil.” (The Psalms 51:4)

He confesses the whole thing to God.

Now Jewish law demanded that if a man became sexually involved with his sister, he was to be cut off from the people of Israel, 

possibly to die alone.  Or there was the opportunity to do as David did,

repent & receive forgiveness & restoration.

David should have gone directly to his son & said, 

“Amnon, I understand, believe me I do.  But you have 2 choices.  

Either repent of what you’ve done.  Go to God & ask for forgiveness.  

Or I’m sending you away from the people of Israel.”  

But David looked the other way.  He wouldn’t face up to the situation.

Okay, stage 2, it’s now 2 years later.

All this time, Absalom, who loved his sister, Tamar, was being consumed by anger, & plotted revenge against Amnon.  So, in conjunction with having his sheep sheared, (1 Samuel 13:23) Absalom has a big dinner,  & pretending to bury the hatchet, invites his brother Amnon.

“Absalom prepared a banquet fit for a king & instructed his servants: 

‘Notice when Amnon has had too much to drink, & then when I give the order, kill him. 

Don’t be afraid.  I will take the responsibility myself.  

Be brave & don’t hesitate!’  So the servants followed Absalom’s instructions & killed Amnon.” (2 Samuel 13:27-29)

Things are getting ugly in David’s family.  

One son is a rapist; another son is a murderer.

Now Israelite law demanded, “whoever kills a man shall be put to death,” 

capital punishment. (Leviticus 24:17) David should have gone immediately to Absalom & said, “Absalom, I know exactly what you’ve done.

You have to be put to death, or you need to repent.  Those are your choices.”

But again, David ignores it.  So, Absalom leaves town for a few years.

“Absalom fled & … David mourned a long time for his son Amnon; but when he got over Amnon’s death, he was filled with longing for his son Absalom.” 

(2 Samuel 13:37-39)

David’s sad, & wondering, “where have I gone wrong?  

What’s the matter with this family anyway?”

Remember last week, we were talking about accountability.  “Who can understand the human heart?  There is nothing else so deceitful; it is too sick to be healed.” (Jeremiah 17:9) We’re sinful, we’re deceitful.  We need to hold one another accountable.  If we don’t, our sins will come back to haunt us.

It’s said that we never hear our own voice until it comes back to us through a tape recorder.  Well, David’s is coming back to him through Absalom.  At about 4 or 5 years of age a child begins to talk like their parents, & swear like their parents, & get angry like their parents, & show prejudices like their parents.  It's a terrible thing to see our bad attitudes 

& patterns come out in our children.  We know where they got them.

Stage 3, at this point Joab reenters the story.  You’ll remember that Joab was David’s nephew (1 Chronicles 2:16) & the commander of David’s army. 

(1 Chronicles 11:6)

“Joab knew that King David missed Absalom very much.” (2 Samuel 14:1)

So, he began to do some things to get them back together.  And it worked.

David instructed Joab, 

“Go & get the young man Absalom & bring him back here.” (2 Samuel 14:21) Terrific, looks like everything is going to be hunky-dory now.

“Joab went to Geshur & brought Absalom back to Jerusalem.  

The king, however, gave orders that Absalom should not live in the palace.  

‘I don’t want to see him,’ the king said.” (2 Samuel 14:23-24)

This whole part of David’s life, I find exasperating. I want to shake him. 

Come on David, wake up!  David is a “get-it-done” kind of guy.  

He was proactive.  If there was a giant defying the armies of God, 

David states, “If nobody else is going to do something about it … I’ll take him on.”  And he does!  When Israel is facing enemies on the north, south, east, & west, David defeats them.  When David senses that God wants a “home” he collects the resources to have the Temple built.  

David is an initiator … except when he must deal with his family.  

So, the boy comes back, but David never deals with this kid & his issues.

The story of Absalom coming back to David is not the same as the prodigal son.  The prodigal son returns saying, 

“Father, I have sinned against God & against you.  I am no longer fit 

to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired workers.” (Luke 15:18-19)

And that’s not what we have here at all.

Absalom is back, but David won’t see him.  “Absalom lived in his own house 

& did not appear before the king.” (2 Samuel 14:24) 

There was no repentance in Absalom’s heart, & no forgiveness in David’s.

We read, “There was no one in Israel as famous for his good looks as Absalom; he had no defect from head to toe.  His hair was very thick, & he had to cut it once a year, when it grew too long & heavy.” He went down to the Salon down in Nashville & had Mandy cut his hair every year, whether he needed to or not.

Well, this ridiculous scenario goes on for 2 years, & finally, 

Absalom runs out of patience.

He goes to Joab, hoping that he will act as an buffer between him & his Dad.

It takes a while & some more outlandish behavior but finally David agrees.

“The king sent for Absalom, who went to him & bowed down to the ground 

in front of him.  The king welcomed him with a kiss.” (2 Samuel 14:33) 

So much has happened, but now, they’re finally together.  But there’s no confession; there’s no repentance.  The father & son never get to the real problems in their relationship.  It’s all hugs & kisses.  And from this point on in the story, you can read it on your own, Absalom can do no wrong,

(2 Samuel 15-18).  But he does do wrong.

Stage 4, the ambitious & proud Absalom is home.  “After this, Absalom provided a chariot & horses for himself, & an escort of 50 men.” (2 Samuel 15:1) 

He’s going around town in his “hotrod.”  Everybody’s looking at him.  

“What a sharp guy!”  And, of course, that’s exactly what he didn’t need. 

He was plotting a coo against his Dad.

“He would get up early & go & stand by the road at the city gate.” (2 Samuel 15:2)

There he would campaign.  “How I wish I were a judge!” he’d say. (2 Samuel 15:4)

He promised things & got the people on his side.  He wouldn’t let people bow to him.  He’d praise them, kiss them, kiss the babies.  He’s the perfect politician.  And he knew that David wouldn’t do a thing about it.

This is what happens when conflict is not honestly dealt with.

The Apostle Paul is right when he teaches that conflicts that go unresolved give the Devil a foothold in our lives. (Ephesians 4:27)

So now he goes for broke.  “The plot against the king gained strength, 

& Absalom’s followers grew in number.” (2 Samuel 15:12) Absalom “sent messengers to all the tribes of Israel to say, ‘When you hear the sound of trumpets, shout, ‘Absalom has become king of Hebron!’” (2 Samuel 15:10)

It’s time to strike.  Here he is with all his charisma.  

He has tremendous charm, but it’s ugly charm.  

This unpunished son becomes a traitor & a deadly enemy.

David is forced to run for his life.  He’s completely humiliated.  

“David went on up the Mount of Olives crying; he was barefoot & had his head covered as a sign of grief.  All who followed him covered their heads 

& cried also.” (2 Samuel 15:30) He’s embarrassed.

Then, to add insult to injury, 

“David was told that Ahithophel had joined Absalom’s rebellion.” (2 Samuel 15:31)

Ahithophel was one of David’s closest & most trusted friends.

He’s lost his son, & now he’s lost his friend.

David writes about this:

“If it were an enemy making fun of me, I could endure it;

If it were an opponent boasting over me, I could hide myself from him.

But it is you, my companion, my colleague & close friend.” (The Psalms 55:12-13)

Ahithophel, his dear friend has betrayed him, & David’s heart is broken.

Someone has said, “the Christian army is the only army that leaves its’ wounded soldiers uncared for.”  And I’ve experienced that.  I know what it’s like to be wounded & ignored.  I know what it’s like to fall in battle & be alone.  But then someone came & ministered to me, just when I needed it.  

Maybe you’ve had a similar experience.

And that’s the case now during this difficult time, David’s men gather around him to support him.  Again, this goes back to that A.A. support system that we talked about last week.  The group is there to celebrate the victories, & to be a support especially during the difficult times.  

It’s a blessing to experience that when we’re down.

Stage 5, here’s the showdown.  

“King David brought all his men together, divided them into units of a 1,000 & of a 100, & placed officers in command of them.” (2 Samuel 18:1)

His army was now fed & rested.  They were veterans, 

& David was a great general.  Absalom’s army was just a mob.  

But just as the battle was about to be fought, David said to his commanders, “for my sake don’t harm the young man Absalom.” (2 Samuel 18:5)

But, in the battle, Absalom is chased by some of David’s men.  “Absalom was riding a mule, & as it went under a large oak tree, Absalom’s head got caught in the branches.  The mule ran on & Absalom was left hanging in midair.” (2 Samuel 18:9)

This must have been a brutal thing, ramming into the “V” of the lower branches of that tree, & with his thick hair, getting caught.

“Joab took 3 spears & plunged them into Absalom’s chest while he was still alive, hanging in the oak tree. Then 10 of Joab’s soldiers closed in on Absalom & finished killing him.” (2 Samuel 18:14-15)

When David learned of it he “was overcome with grief. … 

He cried, ‘O my son!  My son Absalom!  Absalom, my son!  

If only I had died in your place, my son!  Absalom, my son!’” (2 Samuel 18:33)

The 3 reasons his grief is so deep are: this was his son, 

no matter how bad he was; he died without a word of regret or repentance; & David knew that he went into eternity to face judgment unprepared.

Okay, here are the 3 lessons from this.

It was too late for David to become the father he should have been.  Absalom is dead.  

But we, who are parents, or grandparents, it’s not too late for us.

2ndly, it was too late for Absalom to change.  He died an angry young man.  

But we can change, through The Holy Spirit.  God can take that anger 

& replace it with love.  “Anyone who is joined to Christ is a new being; 

the old is gone, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

And then 3rd, when David says, “If only I had died in your place” … my mind jumps forward to a hill called Golgotha where Someone did die in our place.  That’s what the Cross is all about.

“God has shown us how much he loves us – 

it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!” (Romans 5:8) 

That’s the Good News!  What David couldn’t do, Jesus did do.  

And He did it for you & me.  Thanks be to God.

MARANA THA